June 30, 2011

Sweet Dreams

I've dreamt a few times about Ianto lately. In them, we're doing things that we would do if he was alive, but he's still not. I don't dream about him often, I never have, so it's been nice "seeing" him again.

The first, we were at the hospital where he was born. And his eyes were open. Simple as that. His eyes were open and looking at his mummy, but he was still dead. In the dream it was like it was the best thing in the world, that he'd opened his eyes. Amelia's eyes. My eyes. The whole dream was just that, him looking at me and actually seeing me. If only...

In the most recent one it was like he'd been in storage or something. Again, he was still dead, but we were able to carry him around - just not too much. He was still very fragile, and I got the feeling in the dream that we didn't do it often. I laid him in his pram (the one we now use for Amelia) and pushed him around before picking him up and giving him a cuddle. His skin was warm - not the same as Amelia's living warmth, but the warmth he had when he was just born. I tried to keep him that temperature but failed. Dream-me finished cuddling him, and started heading back to... Wherever it was we kept him. Then I woke up.

I'm sad to say that's the happiest I've woken up from a dream in a while. I got to cuddle him again, Amelia got to meet him, he wasn't stuck in the cold ground. I could smell his skin again - I'd almost forgotten his scent.

1 comment:

  1. Teni - I believe that he is coming to you, that he wants to know that he's there with you and Amelia and Scott. *hug*

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