November 05, 2010

I'm sure no-one else's says that.

So, I'm writing my birth plan (preferences) and I start typing the "what to do in an emergency" bit. I finished it off, read it back... and started thinking. Does anyone else include "what to do if the baby dies"? Sigh... One more thing to make me feel so estranged from the normal people of the world. I wouldn't have dreamt of including that last time. The worst thing I thought that might happen during labour was needing a caesarean. The thought of losing Cookie terrifies me daily. Even when there's a simple reason for him/her to not kick, I can't help but panic slightly when I haven't felt anything for a while. Have I killed another baby? I don't tell Scott when I'm scared like that. He panics more than I do, and we just work each other up. I don't want to worry him.

3 comments:

  1. I'm dropping by after you left a comment on my blog.
    I don't really know what to say, but I just wanted to let you know that I so hope everything is just perfect for you this time. xx

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  2. For you http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=7077442&l=f78d9740c5&id=522074749

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  3. Teni - just wanted to say hi. I miss seeing you on BB. I just wanted to drop in and say hello and all the best for this pregnancy. I know there will never be a time you feel safe. I just hope your beautiful baby is carried safely to you on the wings of her big brother. It is a lonely journey, and once you've experienced the death of a much loved baby, there is no going back and no innocence in pregnancy. I am sorry that you don't always share how you feel with Scott but I understand it too. Just don't bottle it up... it's lonely enough as it is. Anyway, better go. Thinking of you, ianto, scott and your little passenger.

    Dory

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