October 13, 2010

What about the men?

I need to get this out... I get so annoyed when I see posts/comments on babyloss things saying "you're all strong women to be able to get through this, blah blah..."

What about the men? What about the husband who watches his wife cry and just wants to take away her pain, thinking he needs to be strong? What about the father who holds his son in his arms and feels the life drain out of his little body? The grandfather who visits his daughter in hospital and sits with her as she fusses over a baby who will never wake up?

I didn't know how hard my own dad took this year, really. When Scott and I went up with my family for a few hours at their holiday place (I was really bored, so we went up on the 3-hour drive to stay with them for about two hours), Dad said he had something to show me. We went around the back of the caravan, and he pointed up in the sky at this beautiful brightly-shining star... and told me "that's Ianto's star." I had to fight back tears as he told me that every time he sees that star, he thinks of "the little fella."

I know Scott's affected too - who wouldn't be, really? He took a photo of Ianto to work for a while, until his boss told him not to any more because it was upsetting people. They all know the story, so they knew the photo wasn't of a living child. They also shouldn't be in the office, but since when has that stood in the way of telling a bereaved parent not to look at photos of their child?