October 22, 2010

A lot of questions

I was just watching one of my favourite "reality" TV shows, Bondi Vet, and there was a section where Dr Chris was helping a little dog give birth to her three puppies. The second one was stillborn, and the effect it had on the humans in the room was devastating - both were in tears. It made me think...

How did the midwives feel while helping me give birth to Ianto? Were they as devastated as Dr Chris and this dog's owner? Or did they feel nothing, distancing themselves from the poor girl in room 19? Did they draw straws to see who would have to tend to me, or were they falling over themselves to be allowed to do so? Did they wish I wasn't there? Did they wish they could stay longer to help me?

What about the doctor who was meant to take him away? Was he overcome with guilt when he was told that he'd fucked up and put the wrong name on the paperwork? Did he care at all as he looked into a grieving mother's eyes and try to convince her to agree to an autopsy? Did he treat my little boy with the respect he deserved?

Which brings me to another thought. How did they transport Ianto's body to pathology? Did they carry him? Did they wheel his little plastic cot thingie down the hallway? If they did, did they cover him up, or did they wheel him down uncovered? Did they put him in a little body bag of some sort, maybe? I'd like to think he was carried, but it's doubtful. They hardly wanted me being seen around the hospital, they wouldn't have shown my little boy's face.


  1. I remember, after Nicholas and later, Sophia were born, the hospital had a special basket for each of them, with blankets and flowers. When we said that we were ready, they took them, placed them in the baskets and gently covered them, and then a nurse walked them to the morgue. At the hospital Alexander was delivered at, when it was time, the nurse came and gently wrapped him completely in a blanket and then she cradled him in her arms and took him to the morgue. I felt grateful that the nurses seemed to really care and treated them with the respect and dignity that they deserved.

  2. I watched that last night too! My hubby had to change the channel, he couldn't watch.

    Our nurses and midwives were in tears the whole day, and our team at the Royal Brisbane Women's were at times unable to hold back their tears. Several of our NICU nurses and even our doctors had to excuse themselves to cry. That told me a lot. When your tiny son's doctor is having to bit his lip to hold back the tears because he knows this little one in his care won't make it, meant a lot to us and to our son's grandparents.

    Whereabouts are you in Oz darlin?


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