September 27, 2010

I am even more impatient this time around than last time!


All I want to do is be in a coma for the next 25ish weeks, only getting out of bed for appointments. I'm tired of waiting, I'm tired of trying to think of things to do for Cookie - I'm sure I've done it all already. I am ready to have this baby, and I'm only 15 weeks! I'm sure I didn't start feeling this way until a little later with Ianto... And there's an obvious answer, of course. I did do all this for him. Last year, and early this year. Everything that was ready for him is sitting ready for Cookie. I have already gone through more than forty weeks of pregnancy in the past year, with no baby in my arms to show for it.

But still, I did feel this way last time. Just not as early. The only thing left to do is to buy more clothes, nappies, a mattress for the cot... Nothing I can do right now. All things that can and will wait until much later. I'm just so frustrated! Once again, it doesn't feel like I'm pregnant, and it's killing me. It's hard to get excited, just like it was last time, because it still doesn't feel real. It hardly feels real that I already did all this within the past year. Sometimes I wouldn't even believe that Ianto or Cookie exist(ed) without the photos/ultrasound pictures...

I just want to skip to giving birth... Or even skip to 32 weeks and take it from there. I've never had a live baby in my belly after 32 weeks...

1 comment:

  1. As hard as it is you who it to yourself to enjoy your pregnancy,because after you have baby cookie you can look back on your pregnancy without regrets. So go out and buy something cute for cookie even if you have it already. You will bring your Baby home because we are all wishing it for you. Please be kind to yourself because you have been through to much pain already all my love . From a Grandmother of her own little lost angel.XXXXX


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