July 25, 2010

I'm happy with my choice.

I'm halfway through reading a new book called "Pregnancy Loss" right now. Just finished the bit about causes of loss (I skipped ahead to the causes of stillbirth section) and how they find things out. There was one part that really struck me as odd. The book mentioned that parents who suffer a loss are more likely to regret not having an autopsy done than to regret having one done.

I'm the other way around. Even though we have no answers as to why Ianto died, and occasionally I still wonder if it was me, there's no way in hell I regret not having them slice my baby open to look inside him. Yes, it sounds brutal, and I'm sorry if I've offended anybody (though if that offends you, don't read that part of the book - they actually go into detail with what happens during a baby's autopsy) but that's how it is.

One other part that doesn't have me so riled up is the part that says that we all deal with being in the "baby loss club" differently:

"...some of us feel guilty and ashamed to be a member. Some of us want to wear our club colours with pride, to shout about it, stop people in the street and tell them that it exists..."
 Wanna take a guess at which I am?

I was planning to use a photo of my "I (heart) my stillborn son" t-shirt, but the computer refuses to believe I have the memory card in it...


  1. Teni - thanks for the tip on that book - I collected it from the library today and like you jumped ahead to the sections that were most relevant. It's a 2010 publication it's good to see a recent publication. I also like When the Dream is Shattered - it's a 1990's vintage I think.

    Hope everything is going well - I haven't ventured to the forums for a few days, so am not up with everything.

    In the end, like you, we made a decision not to have a post mortem on our angel babies. Like you it's a decision I am happy with.

    Take care


  2. I wanna shout it out every second of every day. I lover your tattoo. I'm still trying to decide where to get mine done. I'll have two, one for each of my sons. I am praying for you right now. I hope are boys are playing together in Heaven, I feel like there is a HUGE playground up there, and no one ever has to take turns!!

  3. I think there is always something we will regret, be it autopsy, not having an autopsy, etc. There are things I regret and still am happy with the choices I made. It's hard.


Thank you for reading!