I’m not entirely sure what I ever did to you, but I don’t think it would have been bad enough for you to give up on me and decide not to release your precious eggs when you’re supposed to. Look, if you just released them on time, then you’d possibly be in for another 38-week-or-so holiday! It seems to me that you would enjoy that. Have a talk to the eggs about getting fertilized. I don’t want them to be scared of it. Tell them it’s not painful. Also, please behave on Thursday during my ultrasound. If you do have cysts, don’t hide them. If you don’t have any, then don’t make it seem like you do. The rest of my body lets me down like that at times, so it would be fantastic of you to set a good example. I’m counting on you.
I’ve spoken to your neighbours, the Ovaries, and if you could work in sync with them it would be fantastic. All I’m asking is for you to release a bit of the right kind of mucous, and be the right shape, when one of the Ovaries releases an egg. Then, if everything goes to plan, all you have to do from there is stay tightened until a baby is ready to arrive! It’s quite simple, really. But you don’t seem to think it is lately. Maybe consider a refresher course on what your job actually entails, because you’ve shown me in the past year that you’re capable of doing your job.
Yours sincerely, Tenielle
You haven’t really done anything to make me upset. Really, I’d like to thank you for keeping my son safe for as long as you did. And thank you for my labour being as quick as it was. I know it wasn’t completely your doing, but thanks for working with the gel and making it okay. All I really want from you right now is to catch another fertilised egg and keep it safe. I have faith in you.
Spermaids do not exist. Eyes on the job, boys.