May 01, 2010

Utterly and completely bored... let's see where it takes me!

Okay, I know I posted a few hours ago, but I'm bored. I'm sitting at Scott's work, using the free internet, and I'm bored out of my mind. So I'm going to keep this tab open on the computer and just type whatever comes into my head (within reason, I'm not sure any of my readers are interested in the goings-on of McDonalds in the very early hours of the morning)

First, I'd like to promote the Heartfelt exhibition. I think I've mentioned before that one of Ianto's photos might be displayed. That would be fantastic, of course, but I'm planning to go even if they're not.

Next, it was another sad day. I went to Ianto's grave to place the wooden plaque on it, as well as the tile thingie my uncle made (more on that in the next post - I need photos.) When I got there I was a little confused - there was no colour waving above my darling boy. Yes, my gorgeous rainbow flag is gone. The wooden bit that gave it its shape was still standing, looking bare and impotent (yes, I use big words like "impotent" when it's 20 to 4 in the morning.) I took that out - what a hard job! I ended up snapping it near the bottom because it was absolutely stuck.

Goodbye, rainbow flag. I'll miss you and your... droopiness...
I think it may have come from me tying a helium balloon to it last week in windy weather. My guess is that it wiggled loose and flew away. How great would that have looked, though?!? Just this rainbow flag, floating away against a dark sky, carried by a balloon... Wish I could've seen it and take photos for you!

I left there, and decided to bum around at Scott's work (which was pointless, unknown to me he'd been sent home and his shift changed!) When I was done being grumpy at him for not coming out and saying hello to me, I went to Kmart. Bad idea. This is the Kmart I did quite a lot of my pregnancy shopping. The one where I picked up a Bonnie Babes book at 27 weeks (linkie to it) and almost bought it before realising it was a babyloss support book and not just stories like I originally though ("I won't need this" I said...) Aside: I actually did end up with a book the week after Ianto's birth, and it's fantastic. If anyone ever has someone they know lose a baby, or have a very premmie baby, I recommend giving them this book. Even very early loss.

Then I did a stupider thing. I looked at the Mothers Day cards. And promptly went into breakdown mode. I had my headphones on, so no-one comforted me or asked what was wrong. Fair enough though, I'm not sure I'd approach someone who was crying but couldn't hear me either...

I know I said I wasn't going to tell you about what's happening around me at the moment, but gee it's funny watching some people. This store is part of a shopping centre. As such, it doesn't have its own toilets aside from the staff ones. If you're a customer and want to use the toilet when the rest of the shopping centre is closed, tough. Not our problem. Our fault though, if you listen to most customers. 

Retail has to be the only profession where everything is your fault. A customer leaves a mess on a table/in an aisle and you can't clean it up without ignoring the long line of other customers? It's your fault if another customer wants to sit/shop there. Builders didn't put toilets in the store and a customer wants to use the ones that are closed? Your fault. A child runs around, falls over nothing and bruises his knee? Your fault for not telling him off and preventing the fall (though god forbid you do! It's your fault he's uncontrollable, of course!) You're out of Happy Meal toys/Justin Beiber CDs/Avatar DVDs the day before the new batch are set to arrive? Of course it's your fault that every other customer on the planet wanted the exact same thing your current customer does. How dare you not pre-empt them walking into your store on a whim!

1 comment:

  1. I've stumbled over to your blog from FYBF at Mummy Time. I've spent the last half hour reading every post from start to finish. You're very brave to share your feelings (even the dark ones) so openly. I gave birth to a sleeping son July 9th 2007 ( writing that date made me realise how I can't believe it was that long ago - feels like yesterday in some ways). He was almost 26 weeks. I too shared my journey on a blog and found it a wonderful outlet. You've inspired me to write about him in my entry tomorrow. I hope you'll come by for a look.


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