May 20, 2010

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I know it sounds weird, but last night I got the overwhelming feeling that I was pregnant again. Don't as why, it came out of nowhere. It entered my head and I just felt so calm, like everything was okay. It was so strange!

I really don't have anything else to report, sorry for the short post. I hope I'm right about what I felt last night!


8 comments:

  1. I hope you're right too Teni. Crossing my fingers for you.

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  2. Do you really think it's a good idea? 1. to be getting your hopes up, and 2. to be "trying again" so soon?

    I ask a serious question, not trying to be mean.

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  3. Hi Anonymous :) I do understand that you're not trying to be mean, so don't stress.

    To be honest, no, I don't think it's a good idea to be getting my own hopes up - but I am. It's just the way I'm wired, I suppose, I'm always getting my hopes up about something or other. And what's the harm in a little positive thinking? :)

    As for your other question, I will have to disagree. In my opinion (and I know it's not a popular one) it's best for me to be trying as soon as I can. I don't know how much you've read of my blog, I haven't gone into much detail anyway, but I have so little faith in my body to conceive again that I feel I need to be trying as soon as possible. The thought of not being a mother to a live baby makes me pretty much suicidal. And that's just the *thought* of it. Imagine how I would feel if I found out that by waiting x amount of time, I've used up my last chances. I certainly wouldn't be blogging from wherever I am then.

    Thank you for your input, even though we clash in our opinion a little.

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  4. I have to say that I agree with Anonymous' opinion above. Furthermore...
    "Imagine how I would feel if I found out that by waiting x amount of time, I've used up my last chances"
    For this reason, you need to get professional help before trying again so soon. I can't tell you what's best for you, but there are people trained to do that kind of thing, and you need to talk to them.
    By your comment above alone, you obviously haven't dealt with Ianto's loss properly yet. Despite your paranoia, you need to deal with that first.
    Go talk to someone.

    ...I wanted to say something sooner, but I couldn't find the right words, and I didn't want to upset or offend you. But my conscience won't let me stay silent any longer.
    I won't even pretend to remotely understand what you're going through. I doubt I ever will. I don't know if I can help, either. But I really want you to get help.

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  5. I fail to see how by saying I want to be a mother so badly that I feel like I couldn't survive not being one is a good reason to hold off trying again. Would you say the same thing to someone who has been trying for years with no success?

    I know my longing for a baby can't really compare to that scenario, and I'm fully aware that a lot (probably most) babyloss mothers don't want to try again for a while after they have stillborn babies. But that's them.

    Me, I've been waking up every day since I was about twelve years old wondering when I'll be a mother. Nothing else in the world mattered, or matters now, to me. Being pregnant, I was counting the days until my due date. When that was taken away, I just fell back into the same thing - when will I be a real mother, doing things that real mothers do?

    Go read the last half of my post "I need to be pregnant again," I feel I explain it a bit more there...

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  6. First of all, if the theoretical person who has been trying for years was in a similar mental state as you, then yes, I would be telling them that they needed to talk to someone as well.

    Let me make this point clear: I'm not trying to tell you that you shouldn't be trying again. I'm not even really trying to tell you that's it's too soon. All I'm saying is that you need to talk to someone first. If, as a result of a few sessions, the decision is made that it would be best for you that you try for another baby, then I won't have a problem.
    The fact of the matter is, I don't know what you're going through. I don't know what's best for you. I want you to be happy... But at the same time, I don't want you to rush things and end up making it worse. And I don't mean physically, either.

    I know you're paranoid about your body, and I do know how much you want to be a mum. Having another child will fix those issues. You will feel much better. But none of that will change the fact that you have lost a son. You need to deal with that at some point. And do you really want to be dealing with that while looking after another child?

    Back to my main point though, I just want you to have a proper talk with someone who can help before trying again. That's all.

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  7. Ten I know how you feel hun. It's Rachel here btw :) I think as long as you feel you are ready to start trying again then go for it. All I would say though Ten is that getting pregnant wont make it all go away. I know I tried it, and it doesnt work. If anything it can make you worse as you constantly worry for the new baby. I also sort of agree with Gordon about getting some professional help. I did and it helped me deal with how I was feeling and gave me the confidence to start getting myself back together. I dont know how you feel about seeing someone but it could do you the world of good.

    Just remember Ten you know whats best for you! Stay true to yourself and do what is right for you and Scott!!

    Much Love xxxx

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  8. I copy-and-pasted this from a short facebook conversation Gordon and I had earlier in the day:

    "...you hurt my feelings. No, I haven't had professional help (which is coming soon, when they get back to me), but I've been talking to a lot of people who have gone through similar, and for the most part they support me. It hurts that someone I know personally doesn't."

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Thank you for reading!