Bit of an up-and-down post, this one. Both of these events happened yesterday:
Up(ish): Had a massively embarrassing moment on the phone. We got a new phone line connected, and I'd only given our new number to Scott. So when the phone rang, I immediately assumed it was him and answered the phone with a bright "Hello gorgeous!"... There was a moments pause in which the world was okay... And then I hear my father-in-law pissing himself laughing down the phone. *headdesk* He and Scott had just been talking, and when Scott's mobile cut out due to low reception, his genius father called our home number thinking they'd been talking from the home phone. He proceeded to laugh at me the next few minutes - eventually I joined in, because let's face it - it was funny!
Down (way, way down): After a fairly good day at home, I tagged along with Scott to return some DVDs. On the drive there, we listened to the radio (as you do) and got stuck in traffic (as you do.) There was a psychic on the radio show we were tuned in to, and that got me thinking - if I completely believed in that sort of stuff (I'm a bit half-half about it) would I want to contact Ianto on the other side? Well, it seemed someone else had had that idea as well, because next thing I know, a woman has called up asking "do babies grow up in the afterlife?"
That had me angry/sad/mixed up halfway through the question - I drew my foot back ready to kick the radio but stopped myself just in time and kicked the glovebox instead, and yelled at the stupid woman that it wasn't what I needed to hear right now. Then proceeded to bawl my eyes out and lose my breath crying as the psychic guy told her all about how her stillborn son (yes, he picked that up, too) was growing perfectly happily on the other side, and was surrounded by love and light and all the people the mother loved who have "crossed" are taking care of him. I continued crying for a solid ten minutes, while poor Scott had to navigate the traffic (so glad I wasn't driving!) and try to console me.
It made me think - I only really know a few people who have died, and I wasn't exceptionally close to any of them. So if this guy was right, Ianto's possibly being taken care of by people I wouldn't have wanted him being near too often and he needs his mummy! I felt like such a failure, even though I hardly believe in what was being said. He must be so scared, without his mummy to take care of him... And then I started thinking - He's going to be grown up when I see him next? What if I live to 100? He'll be 77 by then, how will we know each other?
I think I'll make up my own beliefs. While he's there without me, he's free to grow up - but only a little bit. Once I get there, he'll revert back to being a baby and I'll be 23 again, and we'll grow together like we should have. Or something long those lines. Maybe everyone goes to whatever age they'd be at their best?
The afterlife is so confusing! And that's if there even is one!