May 17, 2010

Getting old info back

This is another long one, beware!

My darling husband has bought me a new charger for my own laptop (I've been using his computer since mine carked it) and I'm rediscovering all the Word documents, PDF files, internet history... The last time I used this computer was when I was 17 weeks pregnant.

When I first found out I was pregnant, I started a diary in which I planned to write a daily letter to "Nugget" - Ianto's original in utero nickname. The diary didn't last long. I'd like to share it, if I may? The formatting's a bit screwed up, but it's readable...

    Friday, August 21, 2009

    Dear Nugget,

    Welcome to the world – or, the world of my womb, anyway. We just found out about you on Wednesday, the 19th of August. Exactly one month before your dad and I are getting married. For the past few months until now, my thoughts have been purely about the wedding, but for two days I’ve had nothing on my mind but you.

    Your dad is so happy, as am I. We were actually just starting to actively try for a baby, and it turns out you were already there! I’m not enjoying that you’re making my body ache – it doesn’t help that I’ve been walking a lot today with no car to drive. I’m a little worried about the slight pains in my belly where you are – but all my books and websites say that’s most likely to be “implantation pain” – you’re hooking yourself into me, keeping yourself safe and setting up a home for the next 8 months or so.

    Tomorrow I’ll be making my first few appointments – an ultrasound to see how old you are, and a blood test to check if I’m healthy enough to have you without complications. The doctor who saw me today says I’m probably about six weeks.

    I’m getting tired now, so I’m going to sleep.

    Love always, your mummy Tenielle

Saturday, August 22, 2009

    Hello again, my beautiful Nugget!

    I’m writing this at 3am – yesterday’s entry was around the same time, but I hope I’ll break this habit soon.

    I’m having a lot of the opposite of what I’m supposed to be at the moment – I don’t have a trace of morning sickness; apart from Wednesday I haven’t been fatigued at all… I’m quite liking this so far!

    Your name, until yesterday, had been chosen as either Paige or Michael. But yesterday I told your dad that I’d kinda gone off both names. I don’t really like the name Michael, we had only decided on that (about two years ago) to fit our nickname “Mikey” – Like Michelangelo of the Ninja Turtles. But I’m not a fan anymore. Paige, on the other hand, it killed me to turn down. But Paige Reid? You’d be laughed at at school, and it really wouldn’t suit an adult. I started a list today of names I like, and when I showed you daddy, he said he liked most of them. So today your name’s either Ryan or Baylee( maybe we should spell it Bailey?)

    Your middle name has already been chosen, no matter what gender you are. If you’re a girl, you’ll have my name as a middle name. That’s because my nan and my mum both named their daughters with their own names for middles. If you’re a boy, you’ll have a “J” name as your middle name, carrying on your daddy’s tradition – he, his father, and his grandfather all had middle names starting with “J.” We decided a while ago on Julian, but I’ve gone off that – there was a mass murderer named Julian something a few years ago and I still connect it to that. Jules? Joshua? Ah, I don’t know!

    Made my first proper appointment today – our ultrasound to see how big you are. It was complete coincidence, but I scheduled it for a day your daddy has off work! So we both get to see you, baby. I have to drink something like two litres of water beforehand, and I’m not allowed to use the toilet, so it’ll take all my strength not to pee myself when they smear that cold gel all over my belly. Give us a good picture quickly so I can get some relief, okay?

    Right now, I don’t know why, but I’m getting the feeling you’re a boy. I keep accidently referring to you as “he” when your daddy and I are talking about you. I hope you’re a girl, actually. It was always my plan to have a girl, then a boy. Like me and your Uncles Gavin and Brent. But really, as long as you’re healthy, I’m happy. If you’re not healthy… well, we’ll deal with it, won’t we?

    We’re having a hard time finding a house to live in at the moment, unfortunately it may come down to selling our dog, Angel. But then again it might be us. Either people don’t like dogs, or they think that two 23 year olds are too immature to rent a house. They just don’t know us. We’re different to those other idiots out there. Yes, we’re immature at times in our humour or whatever, but we’re very serious about each other and you. We want you to have the best we can give you, and where we live right now is far from acceptable. It’s a dilapidated garage, converted into a granny flat. We have to keep Angel insode with us because the landlady doesn’t let us take her outside. I hate it with a passion.

    Friday, August 28, 2009

    Hello my gorgeous little person,

    We’ve had a very eventful week! On Tuesday night, your daddy and I were sitting at the hospital hoping against hope that you were okay. I’ve been having pains in my lower stomach, where you are, and it got so bad I felt I needed to get you checked out. I had a few blood tests, and we waited (and waited, and waited…) until I was finally checked a bit more. The doctor pressed very hard on my belly, and told me I’d have to go in the next day for an ultrasound to check that you weren’t ectopic (an ectopic pregnancy is one in which the baby implants in the tubes rather than the womb – there’s no way to save the baby in that case)

    Your dad and I spent the night worrying and crying a bit – we watched about a million DVDs to take our minds off it. But, we went in Wednesday morning for an ultrasound and… We saw you! We saw your heartbeat, we saw how big you are, we saw that you were in the right place! You were 5 weeks and 5 days old – which puts you at 6 weeks today! Your dad cried.

    Yesterday I still went in for my ultrasound appointment that I made before all this trouble – The doctor said I was “almost five weeks” and that it was “impossible to find a heartbeat this early” – I almost cracked up laughing!

    Wednesday I also told your Nan (my mum) about you. She wasn’t happy at all. I can understand that, we’re not in a great financial position for a baby. But she’ll come around. She’s like me, she loves babies too much. I know she’s just worried about me and how I can look after you. I didn’t appreciate her calling me stupid for it though. I’m not stupid.

    Saturday, August 29, 2009

    Nugget/Smudge –

    For god’s sake, you’re only 2mm long! How much room do you need in there that you’re stretching my muscles already?!? It hurts!

    Your dad and I are going out tonight with a friend of ours. He’s going to be our Best man when we get married in three weeks. This’ll be my first night out knowing about you – I hope you don’t mind loud music and being wiggled around, because I love dancing! You should be used to it by now, dad and I had a wedding dance lesson on Thursday. I have to do a million spins, and of course that’s making me feel sicker than usual, having you in me…

    Speaking of being sick, I’m starting to get some morning sickness! I can not stand the smell of onions all of a sudden, which is really gonna suck when I come back to work after the wedding. Your dad and I both work at McDonald’s, though I haven’t worked since May (I fell over and hurt my back, then just plain didn’t want to come back at all.) We agreed I’d come back to work after the wedding, and here we are three weeks off.

    Your name has changed a few times again. Your dad likes Ethan if you’re a boy, which I really like too, but my mum doesn’t like it… We’ve stopped trying to think of girls’ names, we have a huuuuge list to choose from – It’s so much easier naming a girl for us!

...And then I stopped writing to him and started just talking.

I'd share my list of names, but a few of them may be used for future children. I will tell you this, though. Ianto wasn't on it. We hadn't thought of it yet.

1 comment:

  1. What a great idea, loved reading the few entries you made. I'm sorry Ianto will never get to see them, but I'm sure he loved the sound of your voice when you were talking to him and that he can hear you up above :)


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