April 21, 2010

I admit it. I'm scared.

I'm scared of Friday. I'm scared that no-one will remember that Friday was supposed to be Ianto's "due date" and it will pass with me in silent anguish. Yeah, I know some of my online friends will say something, especially if I remind them. But I'm not entirely sure anyone in "real" life will remember. And if they do, what could they say to me anyway? "Sorry your son's still dead and nothing's changed"?

Who would say something, in any case? Mum might give me one of her sympathetic looks, but that's it. Dad probably won't be home. Scott's working most of the day. My brothers probably won't remember what's so special about the 23rd. Aunties, Uncles, and cousins... Most wouldn't have known to begin with the exact date I was due. I wish I'd organised some sort of get-together to do that balloon release.

Hoping to get to Ianto's grave today to start making it look nicer. I seriously hate how awful it looks.

Oh, yeah, we saw yet another rainbow day before yesterday on the way back from the cemetery - it was beautiful, so big...

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