I had my follow-up appointment at the hospital today, to get the results of the blood tests from when Ianto was born, and to see if there was a set reason that he died. They were, for the most part, normal. There were two things that were borderline abnormal, but could have been caused by the fact I was still pregnant when the blood was taken, so he sent me off for more tests. If one of those comes back with the same result, that "might" have been the reason Ianto died.
Might. I just want to scream - is there a reason or not? I don't want to hear "there might have been a reason, there might not" - I want to hear "Yes, Tenielle, your son died for XYZ reason, and here's what we're going to do about it when you're pregnant again. We won't let it happen again." or "No, there was no reason, it was just one of those things. It won't happen again."
He told me that we "have to" wait until I get my period back to start trying again - but I get the feeling that's only because he wants to see how long it takes for it to come back (he said it right after I told him my periods are massively irregular.) So, no, Mr doctor man who can't speak a coherent sentence, I'm not waiting.
I'm really surprised they didn't have the social worker talk to me again. They didn't seem to care about my emotional health, for the first time since I got pregnant. I find that both funny and sad. I really need to talk to someone, and I was relying on them to tell me who, or at least give me some options. I'm not the kind of person who can call someone up and say "I need help." I have to have people offer it to me, otherwise I languish alone.