March 27, 2010

A month already?

I can't believe it's been a month since we lost Ianto. It's gone so quickly, but at the same time it feels like I've always felt like this. Is it really over a month since I last held my tummy and complained that the baby was kicking too hard? What I'd give to have those kicks back...

Scott and I really need to get around to writing out the thank-you card for the midwives. We picked a card out the week after Ianto was born, but it's still just sitting, waiting to be written in. We also need to get on with choosing a headstone. I have a million ideas for it, but of course we can't shove everything in there.

I don't like looking at a rough patch of dirt for his grave. Scott and I were both shocked at how terrible his grave looked after it was filled in - it's not smooth dirt, it's gunky clay, piled a little too high. It had bits of glass (!) and plastic sticking out of it when we first went. We got rid of what we could but it still looks horrible.

A lot of the other graves in the Garden of Angels (the children's section of the cemetery) have windmills and other decorations on them, so we've joined in and put a rainbow windmill and flag there. It's such a bright, colourful part of the cemetery - and the most heartbreaking. I have a habit when I'm at a cemetery, I go around and look at all the other graves in the area. I love thinking of the stories the people might have. Or in the GoA's case, what stories the parents could tell me.

The kids' graves are so beautiful, whether they have proper headstones or not. I wish I could speak to some of these parents just to satisfy my curiosity. One of my big questions: Why does one headstone have the Batman logo on it? I noticed it the first time we went there - the day before the funeral - and it's been nagging at me. It's not particularly important, obviously the little boy was a Batman fan, but why did his parents put it on his headstone? Did he know he was dying, and ask them to do so? Was he just such a big fan, his parents thought that was the best way to commemorate him? Was it the parents who were the fans? I think what makes me all the more curious is that there's no date of birth or death on the grave, so I don't know how old he was when he died.

1 comment:

  1. A little update on the Batman headstone: I've gone to look at it close up, and the little boy was four years old when he died.

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