March 16, 2010

All over the place

It's bizarre how things can slip your mind sometimes, even if they're as huge as losing your child. I've found myself at times forgetting that Ianto died. It's mainly when I've just woken up, and I rub my belly for a moment wondering if the baby will kick... then it hits me - he won't. Or, worse still in my eyes, I forget I was even pregnant to begin with. That used to happen quite a bit when I actually was pregnant - I didn't feel like I was most of the time, so I had to remind myself not to do certain things.

All the books and pamphlets they gave us in the hospital said that men and women grieve differently, so don't get annoyed at your partner if they're not "doing it right." I didn't think that would affect Scott and I, but it is. I know I shouldn't hold it against him, because it's the way he's been the past few years, but I really wish we were able to talk things over rather than try to distract ourselves with stupid games or the computer. When we first met, we'd talk for hours upon hours about silly little things, but now it's not the same and I hate it. I don't want to forget.

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